Saturday, July 25, 2009

You Know What I Mean

If you are reading this blog, chances are you've been there. It's the darkest time in that hellacious novel-writing process, the one that makes death by fire seem like a balmy day on the Florida Keys in comparison. It stinks. It sucks. It resembles death of an emotional sort except that death would mean that the suffering would end.

I'm talking about round one of revisions.

Let's break it down in nifty list format:

1. Sophie is contented with her life and her future prospects.
2. Sophie decides it's time to write another book.
3. Sophie takes out her super artistical tools of the trade (Microsoft Word)
4. Sophie composes a brilliant novel filled with breathtaking characters and deathless prose.
5. Sophie retires, leaving the novel to its own devices for a week or so, in order to rest her genius mind.

Now things get ugly:

6. Novel gets evil glint in its eye.
7. Novel conspires with its sociopathic friends Computer and Word to delete the genius and add the dreck.
8. Novel cackles manically.
9. Sophie opens Word after one week, prepared to make two or three edits to her amazing novel.
10. Sophie reads first sentence.
11. Sophie sobs.
12. Sophie runs to the fridge and opens up a new gallon of Rocky Road.

I'm currently in the middle of a massive rewrite and overhaul of this novel. I explained my pain best to my fellow YAYAs: "Editing ST is like sleeping with that really hot guy who's also a total dickwad. It feels so good when it's happening and you think you're in love but when it's over all you have left is shame."


Sage said...

I adore that line, Soph.

And not to laugh at your pain, but I did laugh out loud at step 12. Maybe it was the identification with that step.

elissa said...


Sarah said...

This was brilliant and adorable.

althrasher said...

I am SO glad this happens. All this time I thought I just wrote shit. My computer is doing battle against me!!!

Lazy Writer said...

Too funny! I've been there. Only it goes something like this: Susan goes to the fridge for Rocky Road and all there is is Chocolate Mint. She chucks the pint across the room and sighs, knowing she'll be the one to clean it up in the morning.

It's good we can laugh about it, though!

K. M. Walton said...

OMG I JUST LIVED THIS two days ago, I swear.

I filed for a legal separation from my novel and started a torrid affair with a brand new novel. It is hot and heavy at the moment - I wrote 21 pages yesterday, 21 pages. I hope it lasts.

hannah said...

Oh I'm not doing this right now, no way, no way.

**cries into ice cream carton**

AC said...

Oh man, I'm only about 1/3 of the way through my novel and am so dreading getting to this point!

Shelli said...

this rocks! hilarious