Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I'm Bored (and Other Writerly Moods)

Today I was completely and utterly bored. I was at work, and, yeah, I had a lot to do, but I was at my computer all day, and all I could think about was how bored I was. Now all day long, I have my Gmail up, which is the account I use for agent e-mails, and another site, that occasionally I comment on when I need a short break from work. Today, I was completely obsessed with refreshing that site. I just wanted something to happen, and the working wasn't satisfying this craving. (For the record, I did get everything I planned to do at work today done. It really only takes a second to flip to the site, hit F5, and flip back to what I'm working on when it disappoints.)

In my head, all I hear is "I'm bored," "God, something happen," "Why am I soooo bored?"

Then it hit me, just as I was actually about to post "I'm bored" on that website just so something would happen. I wasn't really bored, and I didn't really care what was going on on that site (I mean, I did, but not to that extent). What I secretly wanted to refresh was my Gmail account. But Gmail refreshes itself so frequently that it wouldn't be worth it to refresh that, so my subconscious sent me to the other site to refresh that. Yet it wasn't what I wanted, so even when someone else posted, I was still unsatisfied.

And I wasn't bored. I was frustrated. I want my book to go somewhere. I want to query some more (I'm stuck due to lack of envelopes, stamps, and e-queriable agents), and the WIP's not ready, and I just want the novel I'm querying now to move on to the next stage. I wanted to hear something from someone--to have another little "(1)" at the top of that tab--and I wasn't, and in my mind that static status translated into boredom.


Anyway, it shouldn't have come as such a surprise to me. How often does a full request send my spirits through the roof? Or an important rejection (say on a partial) cause me to snap at my cat for being extra annoying. But this one just seemed strange to me.

So, ever found your emotions completely manipulated by what's going on in the writing world?


Yapping About YA said...

Yes, oh my GOD, yes. I get frustrated so often. I want to finish and query now now now. of course I can't. Because that would be unprofessional.

Yapping About YA said...

Oh. That was Sophie, by the way.

elissa said...

I'm exactly, exactly, exactly right there right now! You know this waiting game is hard, but you keep making forward progress and do the best you can, and think about the ways you're improving along the way.

Writing, and to a big extent the pursuit of publication, impacts my emotions more intensely than a lot of other parts of my life. It's difficult because writing is personal and creative at the same time as it is a commercial, marketable product. A rejection of my novel is a rejection of me personally. And waiting to hear, waiting in that limbo...it's a difficult place!

CoryLeslie said...

I completely agree! I am constantly checking gmail, my blog, and sites for updates. I want something to happen with my book!

Shelli said...

my moods are manipulated by technology!

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